By now we all know about Donald Sterling’s comments, and one of today’s biggest story is a brewing controversy regarding Mark Cuban’s discussion of them, in which Cuban admits to being a little prejudiced in his own life. Most notably – but I’d argue certainly not most importantly – Cuban mentions:
“I mean, we’re all prejudiced in one way or another. If I see a black kid in a hoodie and it’s late at night, I’m walking to the other side of the street. And if on that side of the street, there’s a guy that has tattoos all over his face — white guy, bald head, tattoos everywhere — I’m walking back to the other side of the street. And the list goes on of stereotypes that we all live up to and are fearful of.”
Why not most importantly? Because this is Cuban’s entryway to a real, substantive discussion on race, as he immediately adds “I know that I’m not perfect. I know that I live in a glass house, and it’s not appropriate for me to throw stones.” In his comments, Cuban opens the issue in a critically important way – no one is perfect when it comes to discrimination – be it race, nationality, gender, sexual preference, disability – and so while we all relish the opportunity to point the racist finger outward at someone like Donald Sterling (or Duck Dynasty or Cosmo Kramer), we often do so at the expense of a self-aware look inward.
To me, Cuban’s comments open up two extremely important points about discrimination:
1) As a nation we’re far too quick to point the finger outward at “trivial racism” (or discrimination) and that distracts us from the real issue of real, hurtful, discrimination.
2) In our rush to attack someone like Cuban for his introspective, candid comments, we set progress back immeasurably.
Now, before I dig in, let me give the typical white, heterosexual, middle class white guy disclaimers: I’m all of the above, and especially since I’m writing because of the aftermath of the Mark Cuban “controversy” I should know better than to insert my own opinions and experiences when it comes to a discussion of race/gender/sexual-identity. I have black, gay, and far too many female friends (you could easily call me the mayor of the “Friend Zone”); I’ve hired members of all those communities and several more; and, like Cuban, I’m not perfect when it comes to prejudice. But I try – I’ve taught in urban public schools and been a featured speaker at (Women/Blacks/Hispanics) in Business conferences, and as I’ll explain later I’ve done a lot of listening and learning, particularly as an adult, when I’ve gotten to interact with different cultures. So with all those “I love _______ people” disclaimers, let’s tackle point 1.
1) Pop Culture Racism Outrage Is A Smokescreen
It’s almost a biannual tradition now – about every six months, someone borderline-famous says something horrifically racist and we all get to point our fingers and proclaim – yell it with me now, America – “RACIST!!!!!!!!” And in doing so we feel great about ourselves. Take *that* Riley Cooper / Paula Deen / Cosmo Kramer / Don Imus / Donald Sterling! You’re racist, and since I so clearly recognize that fact that must mean that I’m not. Shame on you, good for me.
As Americans, we love our opportunity to point that racist finger. We all get to feel good about ourselves, the media get their Nielsen ratings and pay-per-clicks, some 1%-er loses their endorsements, and rednecks and Westboro Baptists get to try to improperly apply the First Amendment to public opinion (and not to government punishment).
But at what expense? In doing so we take ourselves back thousands of years as a culture.
The origin of “scapegoat” comes from an actual goat – in ancient Syria, centuries before Christ, the tradition was to load up a goat with all the sins of the community and cast that goat away, taking with it the sins and regrets of the people. And isn’t that what we do every time we chastise a racist celebrity? We’re all guilty of some kind of prejudice, of some kind of stereotype, of some kind of discrimination however inadvertent or subconscious it may be. But when we get to pile that on the back of Donald Sterling or, for today, Mark Cuban, we get to blame and look down upon someone else and absolve our own sins.
Which isn’t to defend these idiots, but rather to say that they’re essentially just idiot pawns. Donald Sterling’s comments don’t really affect anyone…but Donald Sterling’s hiring and rental practices did. Riley Cooper using the N-word at a concert didn’t really hurt anyone – but voter registration laws in that same city of Philadelphia sure did. It’s easy to get angry at a word or a phrase, but as our moms – black or white – said, sticks and stones may break our bones but names won’t *really* hurt us. They just distract us from the voter ID laws and discriminatory hiring and housing policies that hold back generations of people.
Which brings me to point 2:
2) In our zeal to yell “Prejudice!” at anyone but ourselves, we preempt genuine discussion and understanding.
Let me start this with a story – ten years ago I would have almost certainly voted against gay marriage, and would have been offended to see a man kiss another man during the NFL Draft. Six years ago I voted in favor of gay marriage and last week I was happy for Michael Sam when he was drafted and celebrated with his boyfriend. What changed? A gay coworker named Mark and, years later, a gay colleague named Kevin. Both could sense that I was a little uncomfortable with “gay,” and both handled it with humor. I worked with Mark at a part-time job at the “Package Pickup” (which would be a great name for a gay bar…he’d have loved that joke) desk at the Hudson’s store at Briarwood Mall in Ann Arbor. Mark loved to page me on the walkie-talkie and send me to “Women’s Intimates” where he and often another friend would watch me walk around uncomfortably trying not to stare at lingerie or pretty girls about to buy some, and then they’d jump out from behind a rack and laugh. Kevin – who worked for me in Chicago while I was at headquarters in LA – would always jokingly let me know when he and his friends were headed out to Napa or San Francisco for a “boys weekend” and let me know they’d save room in the hot tub for me. And both guys would ask me questions about football and mention girls they knew that they thought would like me and ultimately were just looking for common ground. And I appreciate the heck out of them for it – I was a little bit of a bigot in regard to the gay thing, largely because I just didn’t know much about or deal much with it. But once I got to know individuals within that community, and once they were patient and accommodating and had a sense of humor about it, it was impossible to discriminate or feel any ill will. I became gay-friendly because the first few gays I knew were friendly.
I was able to grow in my tolerance because they were tolerant of my ignorance.
Fast-forward to Mark Cuban’s comments today, and the backlash from many:
-Why did he mention hoodies? It’s racist to summon Trayvon Martin.
-Why did he equate hoodies-and-blacks with tattooed-skinhead whites? That’s racist.
-Why would an NBA owner admit to racism in the Donald Sterling aftermath? We need a unified front to rid the NBA/world of Sterling.
Now, I don’t want to put words in Cuban’s mouth especially while I’m defending him, to an extent, from others doing the same. But in relation to point #1, as we rush to attack any potential perceived racism in his comments we lose the subtlety and potential progress in his intent. Was he wrong to “equate” hoodies with skinhead tattoos? Maybe to the naked eye, but I’d argue that his intent may have been to create that dichotomy for effect – he was *admitting* to being a bit stereotypical, so it fits his agenda: “a young black man in a temporary fashion choice may well frighten me just as much as a scary white guy who’s made some intimidating permanent life choices”. If you’re admitting a bit of personal shame in your prejudice, that’s the kind of thing you’d admit.
And I say this less as a white guy and more as a Democrat who worries about our mirror-image-of-Tea-Party fringe: I learned in college – at a very liberal university that pushed liberal viewpoints in many social sciences / humanities classes – if you’re a member of the majority (be it male, or white, or heterosexual, or all of the above) in a discussion about issues related to the minority, just don’t say anything. Like Cuban today, if you don’t perfectly articulate exactly the point that you want to make and nothing more, you run the very real risk that your comments will be dissected and maybe distorted to make you look like, at best, privileged and out-of-touch, and, at worst, a bigot or a racist. Now, let me balance that – there’s a ton of value in being forced to listen and a ton of value in having to really consider alternative points of view. But my experience tells me that such a charged environment of “gotcha racism” leads to resentment and exclusion, and that a culture of acceptance – of the disenfranchised minority and of the ignorance of the majority, particularly if it’s rendered humbly and in the spirit of curiosity and tolerance – can allow us all to grow and learn.
Sadly, as reaction to Cuban proved today, we’re still mired in “gotcha racism” often at the expense of addressing and changing the real, underlying, crippling racism that holds people back. We lambaste those who say the N-word but in doing so we take our eyes off of employers that don’t give black applicants a fair look. We attack for an unbalanced hypothetical comparison those who admit to racism and to a desire to learn but we don’t address the inequality in access to quality schools or pre-K education. While we scapegoat reality show celebrities and C-list disc jockeys, we ignore the institutional discrimination that comes from repealing sections of the Civil Rights Act, from continued attempts to restrict the vote, from political campaigns and slogans designed to paint minority and female candidates as “outsiders” and “not true Americans.” We love a good controversy, but in doing so we ignore real progress.
Donald Sterling is an idiot, but he’s also a senile old rich guy whose days of real discrimination – through housing and employment – are behind him. He’s irrelevant, yet he’s headline news. While we pointed our fingers directly at Sterling, one of his colleagues, Mark Cuban, dared to point the finger back at himself introspectively to really address the discrimination that lies beneath. For his doing so, he was roundly criticized. Who’s really holding America back?
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