See Me Squeegee

It was a wonderful 14 years, Dodge!

Some background on me: I’ve been contributing at least 10% of each paycheck to my 401k since I became eligible. I drove my last car for 14 years before trading it in.  I take all our bottles and cans – plus those from my office – to the recycling center to get the deposit back (why throw away free money?), and I’ve been part-time tutoring at least 100 hours a year for the last 15 (why pass up easy money?).  My favorite part of each month is moving money from checking to savings and from savings to investment accounts.  I’m as conservative as they come when it comes to money.

I’m also a white homeowner with gray hair, a masters degree, and an investment property.  I must be a Republican, right?

No.

Not even close.

I’m a democrat.  And that’s because I’m conservative.

Here’s why: conservative means living slightly below my means today to maximize my ability to live comfortably in the future.  And democratic policies do exactly that: they invest in conserving the environment, they ensure healthcare, they protect the financial system from boom-and-massive-bust cycles.  Conservative is the opposite of risky: a daredevil might ski jump without a helmet or trapeze without a safety net.  Me? Give me a seat belt, a guard rail, and an FDIC-insured (thank you, FDR!) bank account.  I may not feel as much adrenaline or make quite as much profit, but I know I’ll sleep well at night. And that’s why I vote Democrat, too.

Much of what makes me conservative is concern about the circumstances that could become a catastrophe.  So for example:

Healthcare: When I aged out of my parents’ health insurance, they had a pretty frank talk with me.  No matter what I did – more school, a stable job, something entrepreneurial – I had to have health insurance, because if I didn’t and got sick or hurt, they’d feel obligated to help me and it could wipe them out.  And that stuck with me: no matter how hard you’re working, how much money you’re saving, how valuable you are to a company’s success – one accident, one diagnosis could change all that.  And it’s not just to you – you can use all the hand sanitizer in the world, say no to bungee jumping and downhill skiing, and eat all the kale and none of the meat your heart desires, but if you have a child born with a pediatric health condition, none of that matters.  One bad diagnosis to you or someone you love – particularly if it means that a chief breadwinner can’t work, which could mean that the family’s access to our employer-based health insurance system is gone – could wipe out a lifetime of savings in a few months.

So my conservative nature has me very much in favor of a health insurance system that would protect me, my wife, and (someday) my children from being discriminated against for pre-existing conditions or from losing our access to care if I lose my job.  And the capitalist in me likes the idea of 1) not burdening small businesses with employee healthcare costs and 2) allowing employees the freedom to move between companies or start their own businesses without fear of losing coverage.  Even if it costs a little more in taxes than it currently costs me and my employer to cover me, my conservative nature says let’s find a plan that gives all of us the secure feeling that our families – and as a result our live savings – will be safe.

Banking regulation: I’m a conservative investor. I keep my money in mutual funds and not individual stocks, for example, because I want to make money without taking on undue risk.  For that same reason in the financial system I support regulations on the banking industry.  Whether it’s because of quarterly bonuses or the fact that their banks are too big to fail, I know that financiers want to bet as big as they can…but as we saw in 2008 those bets can lead to catastrophic consequences for the global economy.

So I want smart, effective regulations, particularly since my tax dollars went to the last bailout and would be used for the next one.  I’ll take the slight short-term hit on the performance of the banking stocks that are undoubtedly in my mutual funds – I want to ensure that those banks don’t go Lehman/Merrill…not just for my portfolio’s sake, but for our entire economy’s sake.

The environment:  Shoot, one of the biggest terms related to environmentalism is “conservation.”  And to me being conservative means that if the vast majority of the scientific community tells me to take precaution, I take that precaution, whether it’s wearing sunscreen, not texting while driving, or limiting climate change.  Yes, not taking those precautions against climate change allows coal and oil companies to earn record profits…but it could also mean that several times a year we’re rebuilding entire cities devastated by record hurricanes and wildfires.

Listen, I’m conservative.  Tax me a few extra cents – shoot, a dollar – per gallon of gas to fund alternative energy research and development.  Add some additional cost to new cars (I mean, it’ll be another dozen years before I buy one) because you forced manufacturers to hit ambitious fuel economy standards.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, we risk-averse types like to say.

Gun control. Yeah I know the NRA saying that “the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun,” but here’s my take: I do not want to own or carry a gun. There are all the stories of toddlers killing their parents or each other, and the statistics about how guns are more likely to kill a loved one than an intruder.  I just don’t want that responsibility: if I had a gun, particularly if I had kids, it would be locked up so securely that I’d never get it out in time if I had to, anyway.

Again, it’s risk-aversion: every gun that’s in my house, or my kid’s teacher’s desk, or anywhere like that puts me or someone I care about in a room with a deadly weapon.

And the list goes on: to me it’s conservative to favor early childhood education because I think it’s better to pay for schools now than for the consequences (jails, welfare, crime) later. The same is true for mental health coverage.  I think it’s conservative to invest in our infrastructure – roads, bridges, rails, airports – a little at a time now rather than deal with larger catastrophes later.

The best thing about not being rich?  Not being able to afford Don Jr.’s getup.

Now, of course, you might ask whether this list includes welfare, food stamps, increased minimum wages, and other initiatives that are predominantly for “poor people.”  And the answer is “of course” – listen unless you’re in Mitt Romney’s 1%, you’re probably a hair’s breadth from being in his 47% (the group he famously claimed is addicted to government benefits and pays no taxes into the system).  Whether it’s a health emergency for you or someone in your family, or a 2008-style economic event – a recession that costs you your job and forces you to sell your house at a loss while you’re still paying student loans, perhaps…that’s not that farfetched for many of us – 98-point-something percent of us are way more likely to be thankful-for-democratic-safety-nets poor than benefit-from-GOP-tax-cuts rich.  So I don’t mind paying taxes for social safety net programs – even if, as Fox News loves to remind us, some people have found ways to cheat that system – and honestly it’s not because I’m some bleeding-heart, benevolent liberal.  It’s because I’m conservative, and if there’s even a chance – and unless you’re a multi-millionaire or retired with a comfortable pension, there’s a chance – that I may need programs like those someday, I’m happy to downgrade from Nordstrom to Nordstrom Rack, from flying Economy Plus to straight-up Economy, or from Starbucks to home-brew every now and then to make sure that those programs are there for me.

So if you’re conservative like me – if saving $5 makes you happier than spending $50, if you know exactly which gas stations on your commute are the cheapest and you stop at them any time you’re less than half a tank so there’s no chance you’ll ever have to stop at a more expensive one – I urge you to consider voting for a Democrat this fall.  Let’s conserve the environment, let’s invest in the elimination of bankruptcy-by-healthcare, and let’s prevent another 1929/2008 from happening on our watch.  Let’s vote for democrats, because it’s the conservative thing to do.