All That Glitters Is Not Silver

Posted: December 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

Instead of an apology/excuse for not having posted in months, let’s get this first-post-in-forever started with a different cliche: year-in-review, albeit with this blog’s own cliche, the rant.

Every Christmas I spend a ton of time recapping the state of education and politics with family and friends, most of whom these days are pretty like-minded as educators and progressive thinkers.  And this time of year it’s common to take a look back and recap on the events of the year.  And through all of those discussions and reflections, I’ve come up with two rant-worthy conclusions:

1) All that glitters is not (Nate) Silver

2) One of the main differences in philosophy among most of us is short-term vs. long-term thinking…and I’ll openly campaign for long-term

A big portion of this comes from discussions about educational reform and the charter school and common-core movements, and spills over into much of what I’ve seen/heard in business and decision making.  With education, two major pet peeves include:

-An emphasis on “raising test scores”, tying school funding and teacher pay to those test scores, and trying to keep up with the world as it pertains to those test scores, and

-The statistics that charter schools are outpacing traditional public schools

Why those stats bug me – just a moment.  But here’s why they’re so popular…Moneyball and Nate Silver.  Those two things (Moneyball the movie…what last year?  And Silver all this year) have been perverted quite a bit from their true nature, which is absolutely intelligent and correct,  to the pop culture version of them:  “use statistics to make good decisions!”.  And the pop version is just about dead wrong, because neither Moneyball nor Nate Silver claimed to be the first to consider statistics – they’re just the  best in the game at looking at the most valuable statistics (and thereby writing off the less valuable statistics) when it comes to making decisions.

Here’s a quick synopsis of Moneyball, the book:

For years, baseball decision makers have relied heavily on a certain set of statistics, including RBIs, batting averages, ERAs, and pitcher W-L record.  But as a cash-strapped Oakland A’s franchise realized that it couldn’t afford to compete with the Yankees, Red Sox, and other big-market teams to buy the players best at those stats, it had to dig deeper and found that:

-Batting average is a little overrated, as it doesn’t factor in walks (or hit-by-pitch), and since most hits are singles anyway why does it really matter if you walked or  singled?  You’re on base, and that’s a good thing. On-base percentage is a more useful stat, particularly because there’s value in a player who can get on base after a 10-pitch at bat vs. a 5-pitch at bat…the former makes the pitcher work harder and therefore means you get to the middle reliever (who’s usually not as good) sooner.

-RBIs aren’t as highly correlated with success as one might think, because too much of that stat is based on one’s teammates and position in the batting order, and those variables can skew the data.  A leadoff hitter won’t get many RBIs since at least 1/4 of his at bats, by nature, will not have anyone on base.

Moneyball the book was focused on finding the most predictive statistics – it absolutely conceded the fact (which the movie didn’t) that people had been using stats for a century…it just questioned whether they were using the best possible stats to make their decisions.

Similarly, with Nate Silver – he didn’t conduct his own polls, but rather created a system to determine bias in polls and reliability of polls so that he could  combine several polls in each state to find the most predictive algorithm out there.  He wasn’t the first at all to “use stats” – he just did a much better job than anyone else of determining which stats were the most meaningful, and which needed handicaps (say, the Rasmussen poll which had value but always came with a Republican bias because its methodology tended to lead toward more GOP-friendly responses).

So back to education – the problem with what’s happening with our use of test scores and charter school trends is that we’re blindly “focusing on stats” without going Nate Silver / Moneyball and trying to determine what those stats really tell us:

-Do the standardized tests that compare us against China and India really measure what we as a nation feel is most important?  Do they have biases that favor some students over others?

-Are the tests flawed?  Do they measure (as I predict) what’s “easy  to measure” over what’s truly valuable?

-Which kids take the tests (and which don’t)?  And what are their incentives?  In Michigan, the MEAP statewide test comes with a carrot – those who pass get (at least they did last time I looked) $1,000 toward college…but that assumes that the kids on the verge of passing are even interested in college.  And my contention – if you’re struggling with state-level proficiency, college really isn’t the carrot that motivates you, at least for a lot of those students. So why do they  care?

In the realm of the charter school, their charters essentially won’t allow them to make admission based on merit, but rather require that every student who chooses to apply has an equal chance of admission.  But here’s the catch – there’s a pretty substantial hurdle to jump to apply to a  charter school and it’s one that gives those schools a huge leg up on the public schools: you have to actually apply.  And so that process of filling out and submitting a form will weed out anyone whose family doesn’t value education enough to fill out the form.  Which means that charter school kids are much more likely to value education and have parents to supplement their in-school experience. It’s a small point but a huge one – public schools are guaranteed to have ALL the kids whose parents don’t fill out the form (and some whose parents do), while ALL charter school students have parents who at least care enough to fill out the paperwork.  Charter schools therefore SHOULD have a higher set of test scores – it’s not surprising that they do, but the masses like the political appeal of “look, they’re doing a better job – just look at the difference in test scores”.

So my rant – which may need to be continued since I’m running out for dinner with  two of my like five loyal readers, the main reason I finally got up and posted again – is essentially this:

Just because a study uses numbers doesn’t make it Nate Silver.  In fact, most conclusions based on numbers are crap – they’re misusing numbers or drawing conclusions that don’t logically follow.  What makes Silver and Billy Beane such visionaries is that they looked behind the numbers, then carefully selected the types of numbers that would lend a high probability of success in prediction.  But the legacy of Nate Silver’s 2012 and the movie Moneyball is quite often used for the opposite purpose – “look, we have numbers…we must be right!”.

Mark Twain is famous for a quote:  “There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics”.  If we’re using statistics to improve education we should at least heed the advice of one of the authors that we ALL read in school.  Moneyball and Nate Silver are NOT about “use statistics”, but rather “look behind the numbers to find the most relevant and predictive statistics”.  And if the tests we’re using to measure education lead us to promote and follow leaders who can’t see that ever-important distinction, then we’re absolutely using the wrong statistics.

So one of my favorite monotony-of-life themes involves those situations in which you have a pretty legitimate reason to go to a grocery store, but then circumstances intervene and you end up with a ridiculous shopping cart of a handful of completely disconnected items, and the person checking you out and/or the people in line near you must think you’re a lunatic.  But there’s a perfectly good explanation…that you can’t tell them or you really are a lunatic.

For example, back right after college, I was taking off from my parents’ house to stay a weekend with some friends in Ann Arbor (CW Chronicles fans, you’ll remember Brent and Sperling’s apartment above China Gate), and obviously I was going to stop at Meijer’s to pick up beer on the way.  On my way (and on my first ever cell phone) they called and asked if I could pick up a plunger while I was at the store.  Naturally I didn’t ask questions and just figured that it needed to be done.  And it wasn’t until I saw the look of disgust on the clerk’s face did I realize that I was a man purchasing exactly two items: a 30-pack of Busch LIght and a toilet plunger.

Anyway, that came back up tonight with the following circumstances:

Tomorrow is Halloween, and as is her custom our HR-ish coworker Michele announced a costume contest with 36 hours’ notice, so we all had to spring into action.  Many of us decided to all dress as our fun-to-mock coworker Tyler (who a couple weeks ago had to let one of us draw a tattoo of our boss on his neck because he lost to me in fantasy football; next week he has to perform a dance routine to Kelis’s Milkshake to complete the bet.  Yep, they pay me to work at this place and this is how I spend my time.)

Now, Tyler is a young buck with Frat Fashion Chic style – he’ll pop a collar now and then and once he matched his pastel polo to his canvas sneakers, and I remind him of this almost daily.  So the costume is easy:

-White shoes from Payless that I can marker up with a pastel marker to match my polo

-Popped collar on said polo

-Axe Body Spray sticking out of my pocket and Axe Hair Gel popping up my hair

-Red Bull and/or Four Loko in hand at all times

Alas, tonight I had to teach until about 10pm, so I didn’t have many options to pick up my Axe and pastel markers.  As I reached CVS, it was closing and they were pushing people out the door, so I had to go to Vons, the grocery store, as a last-ditch effort.  Fortunately they had some pastel Sharpies and some Axe, so I was good to go…but they didn’t have an available express check-out lane, and the two open lanes they had were jammed.  Now, I didn’t want to wait ten minutes for just markers and Axe body spray, so I had to make use of the time.  And like most grocery stores these days, Vons had the club card special where if you buy six bottles of wine you get an insane deal.  I didn’t need wine, but it’s not bad to have around the house in case people stop by or you get invited to dinner and need to bring something, so since I was waiting anyway I figured I could spring 50 bucks or whatever to load up the pantry with wine.  Again, not because I really wanted or needed any, but because I was bored and didn’t want to wait ten minutes in line without something more to show for it.  So I loaded up an armful of wine to go with my body spray and markers.  But here’s the catch – my club card is all mangled and the scenario didn’t take my phone number as a substitute, so a manager had to get involved while the line backed up and so at least 10 people got to spend some time considering my shopping cart which consisted of exactly:

(1) One bottle of Axe Body Spray

(1) One five-pack of pastel highlighter Sharpie markers

(6) Six bottles of wine

What must they have thought?  What kind of a grown-ass man has a shopping order like that?  And how was I note the weirdest order in my own line?  (The girl in front of me was 90% certainly a prostitute eating a Whole Foods salad and buying a carton of soup and a pack of gum)

Comment thread folk – can anyone top either order?

Author’s note: this article was a chapter in a book that my friend Adam and I never finished writing, but that we loved.  The premise – “What if…” in the world of sports, taking events or decisions and applying them to the Back to the Future / Space-Time Continuum test.  How would history be different?  Here’s one of our favorite chapters, predicting that if Michael Jordan, the greatest player of all time, had been rightfully drafted first by Houston (and not third by Chicago), Barack Obama would not be president.  Sidenote – we love the idea of footnotes, so please be warned that there are footnotes at the bottom of the post.  Here goes:

What if…the Houston Rockets had drafted Michael Jordan with the first pick in the 1984 NBA Draft? 

 

The 1984 NBA Draft may well be the most-discussed “what if” draft in sports history.  Famously, the Portland Trailblazers took injury-prone, seven-foot center Sam Bowie with the second pick, enabling the Chicago Bulls to take Michael Jordan third.  That selection would pay off in a big way for the Bulls, leading to six NBA championships, nine trips to the conference finals, and an unparalleled legacy as one of the greatest dynasties in sports.  Bowie, on the other hand, would suffer through an injury-plagued career and become most famous as a punchline, the guy who was drafted ahead of Jordan.

 

The Houston Rockets selected first in that draft, taking center Hakeem Olajuwon, and have never received much criticism for that choice.  Olajuwon was a can’t-miss prospect, and certainly didn’t.  In his second season, the Rockets made the NBA Finals (losing to the Boston Celtics), and by the end of his career he had led Houston to two championships[1].  In hindsight, Houston made a perfectly defensible choice with Olajuwon, but given Jordan’s career it’s hard to say that the Rockets shouldn’t have drafted MJ.  What would have happened if Houston had paired Ralph Sampson with Jordan?  If Portland had paired Clyde Drexler with Hakeem Olajuwon?   On the court, Portland would have been an absolute juggernaut, and with the Showtime Lakers, the David Robinson-led Spurs, and other Western contenders along the way, the deck would have been stacked a bit more against Jordan.  Off the court, one could argue, more importantly, that if Houston had picked Jordan, Barack Obama would not be United States President.

 

How are the two events linked?  Consider Jordan’s legacy as an African-American icon and pillar of American business, in the state of Illinois, spanning the childhood of the generation that would elect Obama to the U.S. Senate from Illinois.  That Jordan and Obama rose to prominence in the same state was helpful; that Jordan walked in to such a tailor-made situation to launch him to unparalleled success and influence in American pop culture was pivotal. 

 

First, let’s look at Michael Jordan’s influence in setting the stage for a black president…in a nation less than 150 years removed from slavery; less than a generation removed from school segregation and the assassinations of nearly every prominent figure in the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s.  In a nation where Obama was only the third black (post-Reconstruction[2]) Senator in an organization that maintains 100 members.  Jordan is credited, along with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, with rescuing the NBA from its image problems in the early 1980s.  This was a tall order, as the image problems were mainly that the NBA was “too urban” for white America, which was fearful of drugs and gang culture. To be truthful, the NBA did have a fairly prominent cocaine problem at the time, but it’s also fair to note that America wasn’t quite ready for a thoroughly-black league only a generation after Jackie Robinson.  Jordan’s winning smile, relatable demeanor, and gentle touch transitioned the NBA from a perception of overpaid, overmedicated “thugs[3]” to a family-friendly, aspirational activity, with parents singing along with their children that they wanted to “Be Like Mike[4]”. 

 

Jordan’s elevation of the NBA was no small feat, but it’s even more noteworthy that he had songs like “Be Like Mike” to sing from his myriad endorsement contracts.   What he accomplished on the court was remarkable; the impact he had on the world off the court set the stage for a president like Barack Obama.  Jordan became the man every child wanted to be, and the man every parent would be proud to have as a son.  He had all the makings of a true American hero – he so idolized his father that he adopted (and made famous) his father’s nervous habit of sticking his tongue out as he worked.  He loved his mother, and so shared her passion for education that he wore his collegiate North Carolina shorts under his Bulls uniform (an homage to the school and his coach, Dean Smith – proof that Jordan respected and admired authority and those who could teach him).  He exemplified hard work and perseverance, having been cut from his high school varsity team before becoming a prep star.

 

And he was black, but in an America in which adjectives tend to precede the people they describe, Jordan wasn’t a “black superstar” but rather a superstar who happened to be black.  Parents had little choice but to (and little incentive not to) embrace him as their children’s hero, and kids saw him as Superman with little regard for the color of his skin.  By the late 1980s, less than a full generation removed from the assassinations of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X – and in the same timeframe as states fought to decline King’s holiday and keep their Confederate flags – a black man was America’s most prominent icon, export, and matinee idol. 

 

By 2008, the generation that grew up idolizing Jordan would be Barack Obama’s support base, forming a volunteer army that transformed the world of politics and voting in record numbers for their age demographic.  Their parents, the Baby Boomers, would represent the nation’s largest demographic group, and between the two groups would form a large majority of the voting-age public.  Having all come of age with a black hero on their walls, t-shirts, and televisions, they would represent the first voting public in American history with even a remote inkling that a black man could lead them.

 

To become president, however, one needs much more than the qualifications and demeanor to ensure the people that he can lead.  Well before that point, one needs the financial support of corporate and upper-class America to be able to afford the media necessary to reach out to the people.  The major political parties would certainly like to have a candidate who is capable, but they are much more concerned in having a candidate who is electable.  Politics is at least as much about winning as it is about governing, if only because you can’t do the latter if you haven’t done the former.  With – again, it bears repeating – only four black senators in modern history, how could corporate America in good faith put its backing behind a black candidate with a true chance to win the presidency?

 

Enter Michael Jordan, who between the years of 1984 and 2008 had proven, time and time again, to big business that investments in a black spokesperson-slash-icon can pay huge dividends.  Few blacks had risen to much national notoriety in anything other than “black” capacities, and the vast majority of corporate pitchmen were white.  But there was Jordan, cool, calm, and collected, the antithesis of “blacksploitation”, playing the leading man in ads for Nike, Coca-Cola, McDonald’s Hanes, Gatorade, General Motors, and other top companies; there was Jordan starring alongside Bugs Bunny in a family-themed feature film, Space Jam; there was Jordan, speaking at events for management consultants, investment bankers, salesmen, and advertisers alike, relishing his role as businessman off the court nearly as much as he thrived on winning on the court.

 

Fortune Magazine estimated upon Jordan’s (second) retirement from the NBA in 1998 that his impact on the global economy to that point had been $10 billion.  The Journal of Advertising Research found that Jordan’s return to basketball in 1995, after his first retirement, increased the market capitalization of his then-endorsement firms by $1 billion.  Jay-Z may get credit for the lyric, but it can easily be said that Jordan wasn’t a businessman, he was a business, man.  Or, more appropriately, an economy unto himself, and a business force that hadn’t been seen before.  Corporate America thrived upon the likability of a tall, handsome, well-spoken[5] black man, and the stage was set for similar figures – like Barack Obama – to achieve similar corporately-funded heights.

 

So, as argued above, Jordan’s popularity among the masses and profitability for Corporate America set the stage for Barack Obama’s rise to the presidency.  Why couldn’t this have happened had Jordan played in Houston?  Even aside from the coincidence that Jordan and Obama both called Illinois home – a contributing factor to this argument – Jordan’s presence in Chicago was crucial both on and off the court.

 

On the court?  Had Jordan been drafted initially by Houston, the Portland Trailblazers drafting next would certainly have chosen Hakeem Olajuwon, giving Portland a nucleus of Olajuwon, Clyde Drexler, Jerome Kersey, Mychal Thompson, and then the addition of Terry Porter the next year (Portland drafted him with the final pick of the first round in 1985, so for the sake of argument one can assume they’d have had a chance to draft him regardless of the draft order that year).  Considering that, in reality, Portland became a legitimate force in the West with essentially nothing to show for that year’s pick, the hypothetical addition of all-time great Olajuwon makes Portland a dominant team in the Western Conference, along with the Magic Johnson-led Los Angeles Lakers, over the next 5-6 years at least.

 

Had Jordan been drafted first, he’d have been paired with Ralph Sampson, who at the time was a top-tier player, but by the late 1980s would be a non-factor given his knee injuries.  With Sampson, Jordan may have achieved some early playoff success in 1985-88, but it’s unlikely that those Rockets could have endured the Lakers, the hypothetical Blazers, and the rest of the Western Conference, and even if they had the Boston Celtics of that era were a juggernaut of their own.  It’s safe to say that Jordan’s career wouldn’t have had the Hollywood-scripted arc that he achieved in Chicago – rise to stardom as a one-man show from 1984-1987, three epic duels with the Bad Boy Detroit Pistons from 1988-1990 as Jordan learned to win and built a foundation around him, a thorough drubbing of those villainous Pistons in 1991 and a championship over Magic Johnson in 1991, dominance of another prominent villain, the New York Knicks, and more titles in 1992-93, and then a return to basketball and three more championships from 1996-98.  Likely, if drafted by Houston, Jordan has a little more success – but not championships – in his first few years, then is forced to rebuild with the injuries to Sampson in the late 1980s, just when his real-life Bulls were achieving prominence, and while the hypothetical Blazers (and Lakers) were hitting their peaks.  Without the ready-made villain Pistons, the ascendant character arc of the late 1980s culminating in the 1991 championship finals with the country’s second- and third-largest media markets (LA and Chicago) and the sport’s other biggest star, Magic Johnson, would Jordan have reached the same lofty heights? 

 

While possible, it’s doubtful, and even were Jordan able to do so on the court, off the court he’d have had the challenge – remember, we’re talking about his impact culturally and economically more so than athletically – of playing in Houston and not in Chicago.  Not that there’s anything wrong with Houston[6], but Chicago is a quintessential American city along both dimensions that Jordan (and later Obama) rose to prominence – culturally, it’s one of the most-relatable cities to the rest of the nation, and economically it’s arguably the second-most important city in the U.S. (behind New York).  If Corporate America were to choose a perfect pitchman to make an icon, Chicago would be a natural place to look, and Jordan almost immediately became the advertising industry’s greatest find.

 

In terms of business, Chicago has few peers on the global scale.  It’s one of the world’s most prominent financial centers and home to much of the advertising industry and several of the world’s biggest advertisers, including McDonald’s.  While only a handful of Illinois-based businesses could afford Jordan’s sponsorship fees, everyone who was anyone in Chicago had Bulls tickets during Jordan’s career, and that group included some of the wealthiest and most influential people in business.  Jordan had a built-in audience of the who’s who of American business, and accordingly could convince the mass of Corporate America to invest in certain pillars of black America.

 

Equally, if not more, important to this argument is that Chicago is, for purposes of media, advertising, and politics, about as American as it gets.  Home to many an American family sitcom or movie – Home Alone, Family Matters, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,  the National Lampoon’s Vacation series and John Hughes’ catalogue, etc. – Chicago is uniquely relatable to most of Americans.  A notable city with a famous skyline, Chicago is known for family values not attributed to New York or Los Angeles.  As a center of travel – it was the mainstay of the railroad industry and its O’Hare Airport was, for most of Jordan’s career, the busiest in the world – and business, it’s a location with which many have ties, having either been there or knowing someone who has[7].

 

As symbolic as Chicago is to American culture, it’s even more uniquely relatable to political swing state culture.  Heading into the 2008 election, the key battleground states – those in which the election was seen to be in doubt – included Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Missouri (Obama’s only loss in this list), Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Virginia.  Of those states, Obama lost – only by a small margin – Missouri, and those may be the states in which the Jordan Rules, so to speak, were in most in effect.  Chicago is the de facto “Capital of the Midwest”, a cultural and economic hub for the cities between the Appalachians and Rockies and north of the Mason-Dixon line, and Jordan played in the NBA’s Central Division.  People from Big Ten Conference states – Michigan, Ohio, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Indiana, Iowa, Western Pennsylvania – simply identify with Chicago. Jordan played his division games against teams from Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Ohio, and up until 1989 Minnesotans didn’t have a team of their own.  Furthermore, Jordan had a hand in Obama’s other big swing state wins, having grown up and played college basketball in North Carolina, and having played his final professional stint in Washington, DC, the most populous portion of Virginia.  In nearly every major swing state for the 2008 election, Michael Jordan had made a personal presence over the 20 previous years, and Obama won all of them but Missouri, the state not represented by an NBA franchise.  Coincidence?

 

Chicago afforded Jordan two other major-but-unsung advantages.  As mentioned previously, Chicago was enough a capital of the Midwest to engender Bulls fans from across the region.  The same has traditionally been true of the Cubs in baseball, and the reason has much less to do with Ernie Banks than it does to do with Harry Caray.  As a media capital, Chicago’s radio stations have traditionally had larger reach than have those of other Midwestern cities, giving people across the region access to Chicago sports.  By the late 1980s, that dynamic had given the nation access to Bulls home games via cable television “superstation” WGN – one of essentially two such local-turned-national superstations.[8] Simply by virtue of draft circumstance, Jordan ended up in one of a precious few markets that could allow the majority of his home games to be broadcast nationally, allowing for an even more-meteoric rise to iconic superstardom.  What’s more, Jordan’s Chicago location set him in an ideal situation to reach the nation as far as timing; though Houston, his other hypothetical discussion in this chapter, is also in the Central time zone, Chicago had the advantage for Jordan (and Obama) of being in the NBA’s Eastern Conference, meaning that over 2/3 of  Jordan’s games – mostly televised nationally – took place before the bedtimes of the entire country, right in the comfort of America’s homes.

 

Trite as it may sound, Jordan also fell into the perfect color scheme in Chicago with the Bulls’ red and black uniforms.  As much as Jordan did for Nike – over $6 billion worth of impact to date – Nike also helped to create Jordan as an icon, and Nike’s greatest contribution in that regard was to make His Airness the ultimate 1980s/90s fashion statement.  The Jumpman line started initially with a pair of stylish red, black, and white sneakers – in a color scheme that, incidentally, matched that of the decade’s slightly more famous MJ, Michael Jackson, whose red jacket, black pants, and white socks were prominent in the most famous music video of all time, for Thriller.  Again, the color scheme could simply be coincidence, but in this search for a tipping point of monumental proportions – an African American garnering enough popular support to become President – a series of coincidences could have provided exactly the necessary momentum.  Could Jordan have been as popular in red and yellow as he was in red and black?  Perhaps, but as another Nike icon of that era, Andre Agassi, was famous for saying, “image is everything”, and Jordan’s image certainly wasn’t hurt by his choice in colors.

 

 


[1] Ironically, these two championships occurred in the only two seasons that Jordan did not play.  Jordan missed the entire 1994 season and most of the 1995 season in a semi-retirement.  Had Jordan played full seasons both years, it’s likely that the Bulls would have met Houston in at least one Finals, and also quite possible that Houston wouldn’t have won either title.  In that event, would the selection of Olajuwon still seem as correct?  Houston gets a pass mainly because of those championships, and also because Bowie was such a bust at #2, but on results Jordan was still a considerably better pick.

[2] Two African-Americans – both from Mississippi –  served in the Senate after the Civil War but before Reconstruction, in an era as unique to politics as the 1994-95 non-Jordan years were to the NBA.  Immediately after the Civil War, Southern governments were dissolved – after all, they were Confederate governments, rejoining the Union – and reconstituted.  Mississippi’s population was a black majority, and so for a short blip on the historical radar, its legislature and US congressional representation were black, too.  That trend was rather quickly reversed, and it took nearly 100 years for another black Senator to take office.

[3] It’s tough, thirty years later, to write about the sentiment toward the NBA and the black community as a whole without feeling discriminatory, hence the quotes on “thugs”.  In a historical context, though, that was the prevailing attitude.  We’ve come a long way.

[4] This was the jingle for Jordan’s Gatorade advertisements, and an incredible feature of one of the greatest stories ever told.  After Jordan personally dominated one of the 1992 Dream Team scrimmages, cementing again his position as the greatest player in the world, he grabbed a Gatorade and started singing his own ad song: “Sometimes I dream…that he is me…”.  How many people can sing a song that someone else wrote, and that millions loved, about how great they are?

[5] Chris Rock’s stand-up bit about white media calling black dignitaries, specifically Colin Powell, “well-spoken” is apropos here.  “He speaks so well; he’s so well spoken…”  Rock made the comments in jest (he followed it up by asking if we should be so impressed that a man can talk), but the impetus was the reality of the stereotype – mainstream America, even in the mid-1990s, seemed surprised when a black man was “well-spoken.”  Jordan’s ease of speaking and ability to relate to people of all backgrounds went a long way toward changing that perception to the masses.

[6] It’s hard to write about the 1990s without including at least one Seinfeld reference.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.  An author’s personal stylistic preference is no one’s business but his own. 

[7] It’s an incredibly small sample size, admittedly, but both authors of this book – neither of whom was born in Chicago (one in Washington, one in Pennsylvania) – ended up with strong Chicago ties.  Adam attended the University of Chicago for law school; Brian has had grandparents and a sister live there, and ran his first marathon there. 

[8] The other cable superstation was TBS, an Atlanta station that ultimately acquired NBA national television rights to broadcast, instead of simply Hawks games, an NBA game of the week, which invariably would feature Jordan’s Bulls as often as possible.

 

A major point of contention in this presidential election cycle involves tax policy on “the one percent”.  For several reasons, I have to say that raising taxes on the highest earners is a pretty damn good idea.  These reasons include:

1) I’m not rich and neither are you.

So who cares?  99% of us aren’t 1%-ers, and probably 98% of us will never be.  So who cares if we’re taxing someone other than us?  And while i can do better than this intellectually (and I will), this point remains pretty important in my mind.  Why are so many of us non-rich folks so protective of tax breaks for the rich?  If your United flight attendant told you that you could pay for your $8 snack box or you could just decide that the people in first class would pay for it, you’d let them pay for it.  Why doesn’t this always hold?  Why won’t we let Lloyd Blankfein and LeBron James pay for a few more teachers?  Why can’t Alex Rodriguez be bothered to pay for your healthcare with the millions he’s being paid to sit on the Yankees’ bench?  Why can’t Vikram Pandit pay for new construction jobs and new bridge construction out of his $120 million severance for doing a terrible job as Citigroup CEO?  Why do we protect these guys?!

But like I said, I’ll do better.  Not only do I favor taxing the rich because “they ain’t me”, I also see other major reasons to do so.  Namely:

2) It really doesn’t matter.

And here’s why – at the upper end, prices are entirely set by willingness-to-pay, not by cost.  Other than maybe vacations to outer space, every luxury good is priced based on what rich people will pay for it.  Lamborghinis, the watches that Jay-Z talks about, homes in Malibu…they all cost much, much more than the sum of the cost of their parts.  And so if the richest of the rich have 10% less disposable income, yacht prices will fall by somewhere around 10%.  The guy who made $22 million will have less to spend, but still substantially more than the guy who made $18 million, so ol’ deuce-deuce gets the Audemars watch and 18-mill gets the Rolex.  And both still have plenty more where that came from.  It really, really does not matter.

And for generations we knew this.  The marginal tax rates pre-Reagan were near 90 percent at that top end, and that fueled tons of job creation and growth.  And Robin Leach still had a ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ show to host.  The rich are rich enough – we don’t need to artificially make them richer.

3) Above a certain level, you dicked enough people over to get that money that you owe us.

Here’s where I’ll get a little more controversial, but I’d say it’s 100% true.  My plan – scrap the arbitrary $250k number and instead peg the “dickishness tax” rate to just above what the average cardiologist makes.  Why?  Because we get to use tax policy to do a few things.  One, to raise revenue. Two, to encourage certain behaviors.  And three, to discourage other behaviors.  Obviously we need the revenue, but here’s what else we need – doctors and innovators, those who drive the economy.  Aerospace engineers make less than financiers; cardiologists make less than top salespeople.  And everyone makes less than Fortune 500 CEOs.  But who really drives the economy?  Who do we want more of?  Almost anyone can become an engineer or a doctor, with hard work and ingenuity.  We should encourage those behaviors by keeping their income at a “high-impact” level – the dollars they earn are those that pack the most punch.  But for the most part those salaries have caps.  Doctors are limited by what insurance will reimburse and by how many patients they can serve in a day.  Engineers are on pay scales that accelerate for VPs and CEOs.  But who’s really driving innovation?  The CEOs are at the top of the pyramid but they don’t add the same value as the true innovators.  And so for those who chase capitalism, business and finance represent lower-barrier-to-entry, higher-ceiling pay scales.  Let’s create incentives for people to seek true achievement.

And on the other side, once you’re much higher than a doctor’s salary (and in many cases even below that) you’re screwing someone over to get there.  Salespeople with high commissions are often acting dishonestly; even if not, they’re often using high-pressure, low-ethic tactics to skim money out of clients.  Capitalism is a beautiful system for rewarding innovation, but the evolution of capitalism is this – it rewards “getting that money” more so than innovation.  At a certain level in highly-developed economies like ours, the ability to talk a client out of his money is more valued than the ability to earn that business through true value.  And that’s the genesis of the “dicknishness tax”.

Look at Bill Gates – you could argue that he stole many of the great ideas for Windows straight from Apple.  It’s likely that a huge portion of his fortune came from elements of antitrust.  As much as we’d consider him a technological innovator, much of what he earned came at the expense of true innovators as he strongarmed his operating system into a dominant business position.  Bill Gates deserved plenty of money for what he contributed to the world – but in a winner-take-all economy he “won” the fair shares of many other innovators, many of whom he just dicked over to get there.

Look at Steve Jobs – for all the good he created, he was a colossal dick.  His iOS deliberately attacks Flash and Java platforms, creating a system in which users are unable to view a third of the internet just so that Jobs can dick over Adobe from the grave.  Yes, he deserves a ton of money for what value he contributed to the global economy.  But he dicked a lot of people over to get a giant portion of his fortune.

Look at the financial industry.  It’s dicked over the world, gambling with our money, lobbying for lax regulations but gobbling up bailouts and subsidies.  Look at BP, which rakes in record oil profits and takes energy subsidies, all the while risking the health of the Gulf of Mexico and its wildlife and neighbors.  Look at fitness-based companies like the World Triathlon Corporation and the Rock n’ Roll Marathon series, which are buying up the rights to local fitness events and jacking up the prices under the veil of “capitalism”.  Our economy rewards innovation to a point, but after that point it values marketing, sales, and shrewdness above all.

With shrewdness comes this – pink slime in our food; increased gluten in our food.  Why? Because they’re cheap and the consumer will never know.  With shrewdness comes the “we’ll just pay the fine…if they catch us” approach to pollution and the environment. With shrewdness comes the political lobby, creating “science” that says that global warming is a hoax and pushing for the deregulation of financial and environmental circles.  With shrewdness comes Enron, Tyco, Arthur Anderson, and Too Big To Fail.  What the business climate rewards as shrewdness is often nothing more than profit-driven dickishness.

And this is where the dickishness tax has a corollary – the Scoreboard Corollary.  At a high enough level, the finance guys aren’t shrewdly screwing investors or manipulating stock prices because they want or need the money.  It’s a game to them.  The bosses aren’t negotiating down employee salaries because they want the bonuses for themselves to buy bread; it’s a way to outsmart the other department heads and look better.  The salesman chases the commission to win; the marketing team plans its strategy to increase share; the financial analysts want to pick winners who increase market share and P/E ratio.  To win.  They’re playing a scoreboard game – it’s only that the numbers on that scoreboard could buy healthcare for seniors and education for kids.  Those points on the scoreboard could retrain employees whose jobs were shipped overseas to accumulate those points.  Those points don’t matter – who wins matters.  So let’s adjust the scale downward.  Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 becomes 75…but those extra 25 points feeds the poor.  Who loses?  No one.

Listen, it’s foolish to argue against capitalism, but it’s just as foolish to say that it’s absolute. Pure capitalism can’t exist without creating anticompetitive situations – we need to protect against monopolies just as we need to protect against dangerous products.  We need to protect against insider trading and collusion and we need to protect against the “snake oil” products that falsely advertise.  And along that slippery slope, we’ve also decided to use the tax code to reward activities – home ownership, charitable donations, having kids – and discourage others, like smoking.  With our tax code, we have a chance to reward true innovations and take some of the bloom off the sales/finance and dicknishness roses.

At a certain point, the money doesn’t matter – it’s points on a scoreboard. And at that point, dickishness reigns supreme.  Will taxes end dickishness?  No.  But higher taxes on the rich have a justification.  The advanced accumulation of wealth is often – usually – accompanied by dickishness.  Whether it’s intentionally manipulating a product. badgering through sales techniques, or screwing over a colleague or it’s more inadvertent turning a blind eye to these things as they happen with securities in your portfolio, the more money you make the more you owe to ” the pot”.  And since at that point you’re only paying in scoreboard points, who cares?
Tax the rich, if for no better reason than for Chris Rock’s take on gays in the military.  “Let ’em fight,” he says.  “Cause I ain’t fighting.”  Let the rich pay – you and I can’t afford to, and there’s a pretty good set of justifications for why they should do it for us.

As I travel around this great big world of ours, the same two questions follow me:

1) “What the hell were you guys thinking re-electing George W Bush?” (serious question that I’ve been asked several times now this week in Dubai, and that I was asked at least once in London this summer)

2) “What the hell does your blog name mean?”  (Note – I talk to a lot of people who begin questions with “what the hell…”)

As the first question is inexplicable, let’s tackle the second.  Why is this blog entitled “See Me Squeegee”?  It all dates back to my rap career… (which probably begs another “what the hell” line of questioning).

The year was 2005 and George W had just begun that aforementioned 2nd term.  I was attending graduate school and getting to know my classmates. The result?  My buddy Rory and I dropped a rap album.

It mainly started out of boredom from those group events during which everyone asks and answers the same questions the first few weeks of school.  “Where are you from / what did you major in / etc.”  Rory had grown up in Flint and therefore liked to rap battle and since there were mostly white people there someone had to step up.  I’d battle and lose, but then I realized something about the man they called “MC Nonsense” – he had a pattern…whenever he was out of ideas he’d go back to the same handful of bars while he thought of something new: “I shake it, I bake it, I make it, I take it, I rake it like a leaf, where you at chief?” or “They call me Nonsense, I don’t make sense, I don’t have to make sense, that ain’t my conscience”.  And since he had that stock couple seconds to think of something new, he’s always win.  With that as my knowledge, I could battle back with a similar game.  And so we rapped at every gathering of classmates over beers and people loved it.

We even rapped a group project while everyone else was doing dumb skits.  Our black professor for that “Teaching With Diversity” class – man, that was risky to rap that now that I think about it – loved it and so did our classmates.  A couple popular girls – yep…grad school and there were “popular girls” – developed crushes on us because we entertained.  It was a weird alternate universe but it worked somehow.  And so we decided…we should drop an album.

The theme of that album was this – most rappers rap about either how good they have it (“ball so hard…that shit cray”) or how bad they had it growing up.  No rappers rap about being middle class grad students getting by on student loans.  We’d be the first.  Some of the highlights from our first track, “Manifesto” in which we laid out our mantra, included:

Ever hear an MC brag about a one-room pad?

Ever heard a rapper speak highly of his dad?

Pay attention you might just learn from this lad

and

I tell you ladies and gents

My next paycheck is spent

Trying to keep myself in school with the basic essentials

So don’t think I’m rich just because I’m white

I didn’t vote for Bush, man, I drink Busch Light

So, yep, middle class student loan rap.  It’s a wonder we’re not on the cover of Vibe right now posing in front of our Ford Fusion Hybrids with rims…

But I digress.  Arguably the best lyric of that track was Nonsense’s first, after I had passed him the mic.  It went:

MC

BG

See me

Squeegee

the brains of other MCs off the windows of my Intrigue

And so from that point on I was MCBG and those who have heard the track pretty much always refer to me as such (including my boss, Chad, and any of my students who meet him and hear the story).  And they love that lyric, but few remember it in its entirety.  My buddy Adam would often come bounding into the office, look directly at me and say “MC BG – Hit ’em with the squeegee” or “MC BG why you holding that squeegee?”.  He loved the lyric but for the life of him couldn’t remember it.  That lyric holds particular sentiment in my heart.  So when I needed to title this blog, which some 6 years later would be another medium from spilling my thoughts on the world, the old rap album and particularly that lyric came to mind, and the blog was born.  I’m MCBG and as you read this blog you’ll see me squeegee, spreading clarity on the windshield of society.  Or something.

Postscript:  We never did film the video for our single “Cubicle Ho” (about that girl at work that dresses provocatively, flits incessantly with no real intent of actually dating you, and ruins your productivity while squeezing you for free drinks or picked-up lunch tabs) but Rory did play “Manifesto” at his wedding reception to rave reviews.  And every Christmas Nonsense and I get together with two other friends (my brother and my business partner) and record a track after a few dozen beers at Buffalo Wild Wings.

So that’s it.  See me squeegee. 2005 and forever.

Quick post for today but I have confirmation that my mom is reading these, so this is now my way of showing her that I’m safe even though the closest countries to me are Iran and Saudi Arabia…

Today’s fun update – the realization that when you’re 11 times zones away from where you live – just about halfway around the world – your body clock hates you.  It’s Sunday in Dubai, and I’ve spent the day:

 

3:45am – woke up, realized that Michigan had played football at midnight and the Tigers were playing a playoff game that started at 2am.  Checked my phone for the results (Denard!  Verlander!  Oh My!) and spent the next hour-plus trying to sleep but tempted to pick the phone back up for ESPN Gamecast of the Tigers.

5:15am = Tigers win!  Brian realizes that the 5:30am wake up  call to hit the gym…is ambitious given that I’ve only slept for 4 or so disconnected hours.

6:40am – the new alarm clock time.  Wake up from the deepest sleep I’ve had since 1978 in Dallas, Pennsylvania. Disoriented as anything.  Snooze button, shower, breakfast over the Arabian Gulf, teach for 7+ hours.

5pm – like an idiot, check out this Club Access scenario I have here at the hotel, let the friendly hostess talk me into a beer.

5:45pm – sit down on the balcony of hotel room, admire view of the Gulf and Palm Island.

5:50pm – it’s hot…90+ degrees and I’m still wearing dress clothes.

5:52pm – change into workout clothes, sit on couch for pep talk

5:53pm – 9:30pm – accidental nap

9:31pm – present – venture back to Club Access room, drink wine and watch Tigers on ESPN Gamecast and my fantasy football teams on the Yahoo Stattracker.

Summary:  In one day in Dubai, I’ve now watched over 10 innings of Tiger baseball from Detroit, but at the oddest possible times. It’s now the Seventh-Inning Stretch, Detroit is down 2-1 and The Death Panel is behind in fantasy, I’m about to order another drink, and my chances of a good night’s sleep are dwindling now that it’s 10:15 and I’m wide awake.

On Deck For Tomorrow:  Dubai Mall, which isn’t as teenybopper as it sounds.  Tallest building in the world, fountains to match the Bellagio in Vegas, and some of my students psyched to show it all off.  Also on deck – I’ll teach Reading Comprehension and Geometry.

One Last Update For Today:  Algebra was this afternoon’s lesson, and Algebra was invented in the Middle East (well, discovered here…but it’s an Arabic word).  Tall order to teach this stuff to the people who invented it.  But I pulled it off – the one dude from Abu Dhabi who had already taken the test, at least a few times mentioned “I saw multiple questions like this and now I know what to do”.  Score one for the Midwest playing a road game in the Middle East.  Now for the Tigers to win a home game…

Part Deux-bai

Posted: October 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

Seeing as how the only place to get a beer in this town is the terrace at my hotel with this complimentary WiFi, it seems like it’s about time to drop a few details of Day Two in Dubai.  The highlights:

 

  • This class I’m teaching is a blast.  We have students from around the United Arab Emirates; from Saudi Arabia; from Kuwait; from Australia (actually an island a couple hundred miles off the coast, but she still has a sweet Aussie accent); from “everywhere” (Spanish last name, lives here, and has been all over; and from Sudan.  Too much fun – everyone is really friendly and the Kuwaiti guy already bought me lunch, with a guy from Abu Dhabi checking out his homeboys’ schedule so he can have me roll with his crew for a night.  Australia and Spain-slash-everywhere are each missing a couple lessons so we’ll catch up over dinner or coffee one of these days.
  • Kind of part of all that – when I’m back to LA or even on the plane, my next non-random-travel-thoughts post is going to be about being a “global citizen”.  These trips…you really start to feel connected with the world and you start to realize that we’re all pretty much the same.  It’s funny – the more I travel, the more I get both “global” and “local”.  I identify much more strongly with Detroit and with the world…Detroit because it’s my tribe and my home, and the world because I realize how similar we all are.  It’s strange how much we identify with essentially a continent in the US (sorry, Canada – but I still feel you given that I grew up 30 miles away.  Also there’s a Tim Horton’s across the street), when as individuals we probably have a lot more in common with our international ancestry and with people who have common interests and values across the globe than we do with people from eight states away.
  • Speaking of similarities…in my quest to eat at a shwarma joint last night and an authentic Turkish place tonight, I had to walk past:  Starbucks, Tim Horton’s, Chili’s, Subway, and two KFCs.  Plus a ton of Asian fusion restaurants, two Mexican places, a few Italian spots.  Sort of redundant, but what a global world.
  • Today’s non-teaching highlight:  swimming “laps” in the swimming area of the Persian Gulf.  Way too many jetskis and boats around to just make a break for it up and down the coast, so I had to lap swim it in the couple-hundred-yard area roped off for straight up swimming.  Call it extra-long-course meters.  My take – the water is clearer than anything I’ve ever seen, but saltier too.  I still taste it a few hours later.  Really cool sunset happening while I swam – it pays to be able to bilaterally breathe so you can check stuff like that out.
  • Also…jet lag is crazy.  Still haven’t slept more than a couple hours straight since I let LA Thursday morning, but every time I do zone out I drool like a fire hose.  The upside – I can regularly check in on the MLB playoffs and this weekend’s football games, which are all happening in the middle of the night here.
  • Verlander on the hill in a few hours.  Don’t think I’m not psyched even 8 time zones away.
  • Got corrected today for calling this body of water the “Persian Gulf”  Here on the Arabian peninsula it’s the Arabian Gulf and nothing else.  My save – “oh, we’ve always called it the Persian Gulf, at least both times we’ve fought wars here”.  Class also liked hearing me say that I enjoyed flying over Iraq yesterday just to see where my tax dollars have gone.
  • Places in the US that students in my class have visited:  Big Rapids, Michigan; Omaha, Nebraska.  Places in the US that no one in my class has visited: New York City.  Weird world, man.
  • Front page of the newspaper here and a full page of the 6-page editorial section: the US Presidential election.  All eyez on me, as Pac would say.  “Me” meaning “we”.  Choose wisely, fellow Americans.

That may do it for tonight.  If anyone is reading, thank you. Tomorrow your alge-bro teaches algebra in the land of Al-Jazeera.  Might have to pump the Al Jarreau just to stay consistent.  Don’t worry…I’ll be ready to get my boogie down.

Typing as I gaze out on the Persian Gulf, thoughts from my first partial day in Dubai:

*First off, I’m here to teach a GMAT class for Veritas Prep.  If you had told me in 1991, while I was learning Algebra at East Middle School during the midst of the first Iraq war, that in 20 years I’d be flying over Baghdad to talk about Algebra on the shores of the gulf…well, I’d probably have called it Stranger Danger.  What a world.

*While eating shwarma and tabbouleh outside here an hour ago, I listened to a good amount of Jay-Z and Nelly from the speakers of the Escalades driving by.  So, um, it’s not really that much different from Dearborn.

*Phenomenal cabbie from the airport – dude from Egypt who talked about every landmark on the way to the hotel, only his English isn’t all that much better than my Arabic so all we really agreed on was “much, much beautiful” for everything we saw.  I also gathered that he’s a huge fan of Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter, is still gathering his opinions about Barack Obama, and can’t stand anyone named George Bush.  “Too much touch” is the reason.

*Line of the day by a jet-lagged me: the political discussions started when he showed off a poster of their president (or king, prime minister…I’ll research this) saying “Barack Obama”.  Now, it clearly wasn’t Obama but then I realized he was showing me that that’s their leader.  That was his other thing – he’d point to a tall building and say “Empire State Building”, then I’d look confused, and he’d say “it is like…”.  Interesting dude.  Anyway, after identifying their Obama he says his name, which is something Khalifa. And I say – wait for it – oh, we have a Wiz Khalifa.  Dead silence for 20 seconds.  Emirate cabbies are like American women when it comes to getting my humor.

*More universal than just Dubai, but what is it about expensive hotels and the way they nickel and dime you for things like internet, coffee, and newspapers.  Not a Travelodge in the world comes without a complimentary USA Today, WiFi password, and in-room coffee maker.  But you stay at a really nice joint and they’re telling you about how to charge that stuff to your room, and tempting you with multiple minibars.  I really don’t get it.  For $59 a night I live like a king, albeit surrounded by abject poverty and probably a few meth labs.  For whatever this place costs I can go into massive debt really quickly just trying to wake up in the morning.

*The phrase “Sir, may I interest you in some hookah” is misleading.

That may do it for tonight…I don’t really know what time or day it is here but I know that “tomorrow” I need to be on stage teaching at 9am so I’d better figure this out.  More adventures to come…

Thanks to a fantastic college reunion this weekend – congrats to Alexa and Jeff; “where you at?” to Curt and Brent; and good seeing you to Katie and all the ADPi girls – I want to kick off the week by introducing a recurring feature on this blog, The CW Chronicles.  We’ll go with CW because a dozen years after college we should probably clean up the language a little bit, but ultimately it’s the vulgar-ish nickname that grew to encompass an entire group of friends for college, even though it began as simply an insult hurled at them by one Bryan Sperling.

Anyway, in these chronicles I’ll play Herotodus to our adventures from college, saving for posterity our most beloved stories and hopefully introducing non-college-friend readers to a terrific era: Late 90s, Ann Arbor, Michigan in the infancy of the internet, just before cell phones, as seen through the eyes of some decent students who enjoyed a good time.

In these posts you’ll learn about Curt, my college roommate and one of the more entertaining characters from this group; Brent, who looks and acts just like Napoleon Dynamite and who rivals Curt for funniest suite of stories; the aforementioned Katie and Alexa; Todd, the Rhino; the ADPi girls and the Vaughan/Sylvan Street girls, maybe some #7 girls and some Lahser kids.  You’ll hear about the Lawn Gnome, the Chicken Boots, the Lady We’re Effed roadtrip and plenty of others.  But I’ll begin with my personal favorite: Curt Loses His Coat.

Curt Loses His Coat

It’s hard to think of a better day to have been a student at Michigan than the day we beat Ohio State in November, 1997 to win the Big Ten championship, remain undefeated, and play for the national championship.  That day was insane – we were #1, Ohio State was #3, we woke up to a light dusting of snow and perfect football weather…  The student section was fuller than ever – that season, freshmen received “split” tickets because of too much demand, so only half of freshmen actually had tickets to that game.  But through the wonders of college ingenuity, nearly all of them got in with forged tickets or sneak attacks on the gates.  The dorms were full of visitors – everyone had friends who wanted to be near campus that day.  Parking was impossible within a mile of the stadium (this will be important later) and so lucky us – students and student ticketholders living a ten minute walk from the stadium on the day of the biggest game that Michigan has played in my lifetime.

As most of you know, Michigan hung on to win 20-14 behind the strength of a Charles Woodson Heisman-clinching punt return TD and an interception return by Andre Weathers.  We students rushed the field, braving pepper spray and security to run wild on the turf and celebrate with players and other fans. I can’t do this moment justice in words, but trust me…no student there will ever forget it.

And here’s where the tale of Curt’s coat begins, with this amazing Saturday as the backdrop.  Naturally I lost contact with everyone I knew – remember…NO Cell Phones yet! – and so hours later after squeezing as much joy as possible from the experience, I got back to my dorm room, filled with visitors, revelers, nappers, whoever, and saw Curt packing a backpack on his way out the door.  Why?  Why would a man leave campus on this greatest-day-of-all-time?

It harkens back a few months to when Curt selected his class schedule.  He’s as conscientious as they come, taking challenging courses and studying like crazy.  His schedule was already burdened by tough college-level Spanish classes, interesting because he and I were in the same Spanish classes all through high school, yet I passed out of the university requirement on the entrance test, and Curt didn’t.  Why?  Curt had to go to the restroom during his placement test, got lost, and wasted 45 minutes trying to find the classroom again so he flunked it and had to take four semesters of college Spanish.  Curt is unlucky like that, as this story will prove.  So Curt is packing his schedule with challenges and decides to take a “fun” elective – introductory black/white photography.

That class would be the bane of his existence the entire fall semester.  He should have known – on the first day the professor even remarked that most people take this class as a fun elective blowoff, but if that was anyone’s intention they should drop the class immediately.  Curt, unwisely, soldiered on.  Now, remember – this is Ann Arbor in 1997 during the grunge era.  Britney Spears wouldn’t emerge on the scene for another few months to fill our world with pop-based happiness.  This is still an angst-ridden period for many, particularly on a college campus where that “no one understands or respects us” agenda can brood among people who identify or want to identify with a downtrodden group.  And Curt’s class was almost entirely filled with these people – Curt hated class.  Instead of group photo projects taking pictures around the Diag, it was all dark…his groups were full of wannabe tortured artists.  Curt suffered all semester.

And what was getting him more than anything was some project for which he needed to use a computer program that he couldn’t figure out.  I remember this as a group project – not sure that’s entirely true but bear with me – for which Curt was in charge of the computer component because, lucky him, he had his own computer (again…1997. Having your own computer was unique).  And after a week or so of struggling he had mentioned this to his mother, who had a solution:

Curt’s parents’ neighbor worked for IBM.  Curt would meet with this neighbor on Saturday afternoon after the football game and figure out his problem, then come back to campus to celebrate with us.  Not ideal, but understandable. IBM guy to the rescue.  So Curt got in his car, we promised to leave him a note of where we were headed if we left for the evening before he got back, and he took off to solve his computer problem under the expert tutelage of an IBM employee.

Now, while Curt was gone for several hours, a few friends and I – Curt’s crew had he been around – had  the night of our lives.  The dorms were still buzzing, and eventually we found ourselves at the house party of starting quarterback Brian Griese and half the football team.  Drinks were flowing, congratulations everywhere, the prettiest girls on campus were in the best mood they could be in.  Unbelievable night.  It ended, as many readers will remember, just after I went out in the yard to piss around 3am or something, noticed a guy vomiting next to me, and realized it was Griese.  So I threw a few fingers down my throat and vomited with him so that I could boast, as I still do, that I PUKED WITH GRIESE AFTER THE OHIO STATE GAME!!!  Anyway, epic night.  And where was Curt?

Curt was, indeed, meeting with an IBM employee.  This neighbor was employed by the computer giant…as a janitor.  Knew nothing about computers.  But he was proud of his job and gave Curt a tutorial of the years-old computer in his house.  Lessons like “this is a mouse and this is a keyboard” and “here’s how you load paper into the printer”. And Curt, ever the too-nice guy, couldn’t cut him off.  He sat and took his kindergarten computer lesson for well over an hour.  Then had dinner with his parents, kindly thanked his mother for the lesson, and drove back to campus, all told having lost at least 5-6 hours of his day in the exchange.  Having done so, he decided to go to the computer lab and finish this thing once and for all, then celebrate over beers with us.  But first, he had to park, and couldn’t get near campus on such a busy day, so he parked a healthy mile or two away – down by Briarwood Mall – and trudged up to central campus.

Now – an aside I should tell you.  I got this sequence of events on Sunday in the late afternoon, when Curt returned to our dorm room wearing a new coat.  Imagine finishing the most insanely fun weekend of your college career and not seeing your roommate at all during it, then having him walk in with a bag of groceries and a new  coat.  This wasn’t Curt returning from a party that didn’t quit.  This was inexplicable.  And here’s how the rest of the story goes.

Curt got back to our dorm room sometime around 9pm Saturday night, and we were gone.  He saw our note that we were out celebrating at Oakland and Hill, and he figured that since he’d already invested so much time in this due-on-Monday project he ought to finish it.  Oh, and by the way – Monday was the Monday of Thanksgiving week.  No class was doing anything important that week…most students were flying home on Tuesday or Wednesday.  Curt had the lone angst-ridden class that had big projects due mid-semester the week of Thanksgiving.  And so Curt walked over the to campus computer center – the Fishbowl – at Angell Hall.  Now, no one in his right mind was studying on this epic night.  There were a few weirdos there (and North Campus was probably packed, but that’s just North Campus) but this was late Saturday night, the week of Thanksgiving, after a huge win over Ohio State.  Curt was one of a handful of losers at the computer lab.

Which was great, because the staff there was able to help him figure a few things out, he made some progress with his project, and sometime well after midnight he figured that at least he was done.  He’d probably not get to party with everyone but he’d at least be finished.  And so he made some last adjustments, determined that he was satisfied, pressed “Print” and walked to the bank of printers.  Happy with the printout he walked back to his computer and discovered…

Someone had stolen his coat.

Someone had stolen his coat. Out of the empty computer lab.  His coat was gone, after midnight in late November in Michigan.  He had only left his chair for 2-3 minutes tops in an EMPTY ROOM.  But his coat was gone and his night would get worse.  Defeated, he walked over a mile back to his car – with NO COAT because it had been stolen – drove the half-hour back to Canton, and spent the next day coat shopping with his mom.

As you’ll learn in later chronicles, Curt’s wardrobe is peppered with items he purchased after or to avoid a crisis.  Nearly every article of clothing tells a story.  But none to me is more emblematic of the Curt Experience than that coat.  I’ve never had a more fun night in college and I’d bet that most of us would say the same.  Curt didn’t get that night.  He didn’t even get to drink a beer at 4am and listen to us describe it.  Curt walked over a mile to his car in short sleeves without a coat, then got to spend the day at Burlington Coat Factory buying a new jacket.  That, in a nutshell, is Curt.

One of the reasons I started this blog is that I’m an endurance athlete.  My mind wanders while I swim/bike/run and I have time to fully digest my thoughts, dreams, and opinions.  Today was one of those days – on the heels of the political conventions, with tax / deficit / fiscal policy ringing in my ears, my mind drifted toward my own story with the current state of American finances.  In case this speaks to you, I offer it here.

I was born a few miles away from Joe Biden, in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania (you probably know Scranton, its neighbor, from “The Office”.)  I was born a few days after my 25-year old father lost his job.  I was born to a 25-year old mother who had given up her job as a bank teller to move to where my father  could begin his career.  I mention their ages because I’m currently almost a decade older than they were when they had me, and I worry about taking care of myself, let alone a family.

I spent my first few days on this planet in an incubator, having been born a few weeks earlier than planned.  While my father searched for work a few states away, I gave my mother a pretty hard time, proving allergic to most types of baby formula she tried to feed me.  I endured a few surgeries and long hospital stays before I turned two.  I can personally and vividly remember points in my life at which I had experienced more surgeries than birthdays.

For all of that, I grew up middle class and had all kinds of educational and recreational opportunities.  I was fortunate to go to college on my parents’ dime.  I spent my first few years after college chasing my childhood dreams, working for my favorite football team (the University of Michigan), basketball team (Detroit Pistons, where I “won” a world championship ring), and sporting event (the Olympics).  After that I earned a masters degree and started a career in education.  And as part of that whole experience, I’ve even earned enough money in a year – more than once – to be on the Tea Party side of tax policy, cut off from tax benefits because the government “punished success”.

When I was a kid, my parents called me Alex P. Keaton for my conservative political views.  I’ve voted Republican in my past.  And with what I’d have called good reason – I worked hard, got good grades and test scores, went to good schools, and felt that I “built that”.  I watched my parents “build that”, from unemployment on the day of my birth to a middle class lifestyle.

But as proud as I am of some of the things I’ve done; as much as I adore my parents and appreciate the life they gave me, my brother, and my sister; as many instances of hard work as I can point to where one of us truly earned our way in this world, I know that Barack Obama is right.  We didn’t build that alone.  Here’s how it went down:

Like I said, I had a bunch of surgeries as a kid.  I remember being maybe 8 or so and working with an operating room nurse who was having trouble with the gas version of the anesthesia.  I calmly told her that I actually preferred the IV – by that point in my life I wasn’t scared of needles.  But here’s the thing – even while I was spending some quality weeks of my toddler life in hospitals and on operating tables, my parents were able to save for my college education and for my family’s future.  You see, we had health insurance that was negotiated by unions. Without that, things may have been grim, but even though my family lived white-collar lifestyles from the day I can remember, the UAW negotiated my health plan.  I owe my lifelong health to union benefits.

If you call anyone well-educated, I’d fit the definition.  I could read by age three; in kindergarten I’d bring newspaper clippings to show-and-tell.  I spent my whole educational career on honor rolls and I have two degrees from a university that QS – an international educational consultancy – ranks in the top 20 in the world.  But I didn’t “build that” alone – I’ve never attended a private school.  My parents moved from a lousy school district to a very good school district a couple months before I started kindergarten – I still remember…our lawn was a mess and other parts of the house were in disrepair as we moved into the lemon of the block, but as an adult I understand why we needed to get to a better district – and I attended public K-12, a public university for my undergrad degree, and a public university for my masters degree.  Government-sponsored education is all I’ve ever known, and it’s all I’ve ever needed.

In fact, my whole family is public school.  My parents went to Catholic schools from grade school through college (and grad school for my dad), and my brother and sister each did stints in Catholic school.  But we all went to public high school and feel better for the experience.  And between the three of us the count is currently four degrees from the University of Michigan and one from Michigan State, with my sister working on a masters of her own in Illinois and my father, now, using a government grant to get his masters from Michigan and become a public school teacher.

Now, it depends on your definition of success, but here’s the count for my family – my parents are comfortably retired, my brother runs a student achievement program at a public high school and is held in high regard in his district, my sister has been promoted a few times in the last two years in her advertising role, and I run the educational arm of a test prep company.  And we did it all based on public education – my brother and I both used federally-subsidized loans to go to grad school; he even used Obama-based unemployment funding to jump-start his prerequisite study before school began, which allowed him to start/finish school a year earlier.  So…I’m proud of what we’ve each built, but I know we didn’t build it alone.

Like I’ve said, my brother used federal unemployment benefits to redefine his path in the world, and it’s made a huge difference.  He also recently took advantage of programs to allow for hassle-free foreclosure, as he walked away  from a drowning-underwater mortgage to move closer to his job as a public school program leader and put more time into his career (his commute has gone down from around an hour to maybe ten minutes, and he’s investing all that extra time into his students).

Similarly, my parents had a healthy amount of their retirement dependent upon the auto industry (we landed in Detroit shortly after I was born).  And without Obama’s – not Romney’s, even though he grew up a few miles from me – bailout of the auto industry much of that would have been lost.

And here’s my point – it’s probably arrogant to say that we’ve lived the American Dream, but shoot…if there’s such a thing as the American Dream, I’d have to think it includes a nicely-kept home with a pool; three kids who all graduate from college, pursue higher education, and support themselves comfortably; family vacations and good health (most of us are going to Washington for the Marine Corps Marathon a few weeks before election day); and the promise of a comfortable retirement.  So, yeah, I think we’ve lived the American Dream.  And it wasn’t without hard work – especially as an adult I revere the things my parents did to build such an incredible life for us.

But they didn’t “build that” alone.  When I look at the federal programs – socialism if you want to call it that – that we’ve used, I’m struck by this.  Public schools, union healthcare, subsidized student loans, governmentally-intervened pension benefits, mortgage relief…  The government has provided my family with plenty of opportunities to thrive, and we’ve capitalized.  But unlike when I was 18, I’m not willing to wake up on second base and assume I hit a double.  I know that circumstances were good for me and my family, so as proud as I am of what my parents and siblings have accomplished, I’m just as grateful for the circumstances that put us all in positions to do so.

When I was in high school and college, I held very conservative political views. I did my homework and got good grades; why should anyone else get a free pass from the government because they didn’t work as hard?  I applied to the University of Michigan (and was accepted) during the school’s duration at the center of the affirmative action debate, and I always wondered why people who were less qualified than my high school friends would somehow be granted an advantage in admissions.  I worried that the intervention of government would strip me of what I had rightfully earned.  I “built that” – why should someone else be given it?

It wasn’t until I taught high school in an adjacent school district to the one I attended that I saw the stark difference and realized the advantages I had been given.  It wasn’t until I had left the comfort of the middle class and interacted with people from all walks of life – from different backgrounds, cultures, states, and countries – that I realized that the circumstances under which I built what I built were vastly different from those of many others.

And it wasn’t until recent political events and mantras declared a “war on class” that I really stopped to think about the ways that the government set me and my family up for success and opportunity.  Statistically, I might fall with the Republicans.  Excepting for the fact that my freakishly-healthy parents will probably outlive me, inheritance/estate taxes will take a big chunk away from me.  My income is at least top half, so “redistribution” can’t help me (at least at current).  And I don’t plan on getting gay-married, having an abortion, or being female and wanting equal pay.

But to me it comes down to this – Barack Obama’s book is “The Audacity of Hope”, but the Republican economic philosophy to me stinks of “The Audacity of Pride”.  Those who have the audacity to think that they earned what they earned alone; that they thrived in spite of government and not in some part because of it; that they’re entitled to the rewards of “the free market” (which, in the US, requires government intervention in the form of the FDA, the legal system, the transportation system, etc.) without the costs of creating an effective market…those people exercise selective vision.

If you were to look at me or my family, you’d immediately see “middle class” and probably “upper middle class”.  You might think that we’re far past the point of needing government assistance, but we’re also far from the audacity to think that we’ve done without it or will never need it again.  The middle class exists – I exist – because of union programs and government programs designed to invest in American people.  I want that to continue.  I’m voting for Barack Obama.